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...and then what?

All about life, and other misery...

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Large collection of jokes added, including several pages of lightbulb jokes.

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CHORUS: It’s a great big, beautiful, wonderful, incredible, super-spectacular day And your heart is humming with good times coming And you got that happy feeling things are going your way All the bells are ringing and a little bird’s singing while he sits on your windowsill Singing yessiree, I can surely see, it will plainly be, most definitely A super-spectacular day! Untilllllllll…

Your sister pours glue in her hair and blames you And your neighbor says that you’re abusing her cat And you just left the john with the water turned on And the house gets all wet and your mother’s upset And you’d die if you knew what your dad’s gonna do And your python gets loose and you know it’s no use And you cry there in fear and it’s now very clear… That it’s not such a super-spectacular day!


You go out for a spin and your sunroof caves in And the steering wheel shakes so you slam on the brakes And the gears get all stuck as you sideswipe a truck And you run out of gas while you’re trying to pass And you’re stalled on the tracks and you try to relax But the train’s coming through and it’s heading for you And you have a quick flash as you brace for the crash…. That it’s not such a super-spectacular day!


‘Round quarter to five your relations arrive And you greet cousin Beth with terrible breath And a fat British guy who destroys your hi-fi And your great uncle Fred who gets drunk in your bed And your third cousin Dick who is metally sick And his creepy friend Joe and six more you don’t know And you’re sure there and then as you’re shafted again… That it’s not such a super-spectacular day!


You’re called down in class and you feel like an ass ‘Cuz you don’t have a clue and you know that it’s due To those classes you skipped and you’re fly is unzipped And your acne has spread to the back of your head And some jerk spreads the word that you’re some kind of nerd And you fight to hold and punch for a wall [?] And there isn’t a doubt as they’re flunking you out… That it’s not such a super-spectacular day!


‘Round seven at night you go out for a bite The streets are aglow from a large UFO A creature comes out with two heads and a snout It talks like a frog and throws up on your dog It thinks you are great and wants you for its mate You’re sealed in a case and go flying in space And you silently say as the Earth fades away… That it’s not such a super-spectacular day!


A quarter past eight you pick up your blind date And you really go ape for her fabulous shape Of the girls that you’ve met she’s the classiest yet And she’s pretty and bright and it’s love at first sight And it’s really a shame she’s not feeling the same ‘Cuz she thinks you’re a shmuck and she says “lots of luck” And you sob in despair as she gives you the air… That it’s not such a super-spectacular day!


You develop a twitch and a horrible itch And you’re covered with spots and you’re getting the trots And you’re feet start to swell and it’s easy to tell From this hideous wheeze that some awful disease So you call an M.D. and he says “don’t ask me” If it gets any worse you can speak to my nurse And you manage to say as you wither away… That it’s not such a super-spectacular day!


You walk out the door of a dry cleaning store And you’re grabbed by surprise by three mafia guys Who mistakenly think that you’re Hymie the Fink They break your right arm and do bodily harm And you’re writhing in pain and you try to explain That your name is Jerome and you’re on your way home And you let out a sigh as you’re left there to die… That it’s not such a super-spectacular day!